so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
