I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
