mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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