I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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