are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
