I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
