just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
