I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
