Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
