I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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