whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
