it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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