its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
