So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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