I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
