kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
