Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A+ Viking dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
