she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
