Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
whose ass print is on the piano?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
