At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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