the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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