Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
