I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
