if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
