the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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