6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
