The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
