nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
