Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
