I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
