What a fucking waste of an outfit
Your dad touched me again.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this will be a night to untag.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize