I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
