Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
