I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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