She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
