barbara walters just said penis...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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