This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
