You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
