I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
