If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
