Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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