I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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