sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My feet surprised me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize