i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
