Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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