I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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