Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
