We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
