every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
