yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
