You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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