umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
