My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
