How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
