i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
