I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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