I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize