You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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