I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
