around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
