Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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