you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
