oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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