I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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