Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
